Trend Whore

The fads, movements and ideologies in games that’ve managed to piss us off over the years.

The videogame does not exist in a vacuum. That much should be clear. Otherwise we wouldn’t end up with classy little gems like Hezbollah’s Special Force or V-Tech Rampage, the delightfully offensive indie title that came out only days after the Virginia Tech massacre. We wouldn’t get Grand Theft Auto games either. And we’d probably have missed out on the Orwell-inspired Half-Life 2.

As much as any other medium – and perhaps even especially, seeing as the target audience is young, fickle and prepared to spend stupid amounts of cash on amusing themselves – games are subject to all manner of external influences. What’s hot in the cinemas and what all the cool kids are listening to on their iPods. The political climate. And fads. Yes, fads. Trends. From gangsta rap to ricing up imported cars.

Sometimes, these influences make for better games. Other times... well, let’s just say we could do without all those characters who regard their sidekicks, allies and assorted cronies as brothers from different mothers. Army of Two, we’re looking at you.

Call this a chronicle of the trends, the social attitudes, the movements and the daily annoyances that have made their way from the real world to the virtual worlds of City 17 and San Andreas. From the daily grind to the fictionalised, digitised versions of New York City, twelfth century Damascus and the Middle East (as in the gigantic, monocultural, utterly evil Arab country that’s the setting of such games as Call of Duty 4 and Battlefield 2). Enjoy, bitches.



Parkour
As seen in: Assassin’s Creed, Crackdown, Free Running, Marc Ecko’s Getting Up, Mirror’s Edge, Prince of Persia series, Splinter Cell series, Tomb Raider series

Ah yes, parkour. Free running, if you will. Now, the sport itself – or, at least, the idea behind the sport – isn’t particularly new. Nor, for that matter, is its inclusion in games. Lara Croft and Sam Fisher were both using parkour moves to navigate their way around tombs and Georgian cop shops years ago.

But then along came all those YouTube videos and documentaries like Jump Britain. Pretty soon, even Daniel Craig was jumping from cranes and diving over fences. Parkour became a one of those words. A term that Jade Raymond and her ilk could throw about with gay abandon, trying – in vain, we may add – to not sound like Dr. Evil during his “I’m hip, I’m with it” speech.

Free running went from something that was, well, just there – Ubisoft never really made a point of explaining that Sam Fisher’s various athletic and gymnastic abilities were, indeed, parkour techniques – to something that could be used to promote games. “Yes, this game is set in the twelfth century, but look, the hero here is jumping all about the place like some delinquent British kid on speed. See? He’s running freely. He’s doing parkour. And that’s cool and popular and you’ve seen it in Casino Royale!”

Despite our cynicism about using the sport to sell games, virtual parkour hasn’t yet reached the stage where we regard it as truly tiresome. It’s not yet a bullet time. Assassin’s Creed managed to implement parkour reasonably well. This was in stark contrast to Free Running, a fairly obscure 2005 title that, we suppose, was to parkour what Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater was to skateboarding. Only, you know, free of the shackles of such things as quality and entertainment value. Here’s hoping that games like Free Running remain uncommon.

Annoyance rating: 3


Urban lyf
As seen in: 25 to Life, 50 Cent: Bulletproof, Def Jam: Fight for New York, Def Jam: Icon, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Marc Ecko’s Getting Up, Saint’s Row, True Crime: New York City

With San Andreas, man, that shit was right. Ain’t Rockstar be trying to sell no niggas no half-assed games. But True Crime and Fiddy Cent’s title? Damn. That be some weak-ass shit. Goddamn cracka-ass bitches, they mostly ain’t know a damn thing when it comes to making games about da thug lyf (Argh! My brain! –ed).

We don’t, as a decidedly bitter Marc Ecko once accused us gamers en masse, have a “bug up our arse” about everything ‘urban’. This here writer doesn’t mind a bit of the old Tupac every now and then, played the hell out of San Andreas and is an obsessive fan of David Simon’s Baltimore epic, The Wire. See? No bug. No arse.

So, Mr. Ecko, allow us to explain why we didn’t think yo shit was right. Your game, like most other ‘urban’ games, was no San Andreas. Beyond the glaring gameplay issues that many titles in this genre have, the dialogue that is spewed from the characters’ mouths is, for most the part, embarrassing to even hear. And worrying. Worrying to know that someone, somewhere was actually paid to write that drivel. In a just and fair world, such a person would not be handed a cheque, but get the thousand cuts treatment with a snapped Bulletproof disc. Or get several caps busted in their arse, yo.

This fad successfully manages to drive us nuts on several levels. Why? Not due to the fact we have invaders in our anal cavities, as suggested by Mr. Ecko, but because the vast majority of ‘urban’ games are little more than half-arsed cash-ins riding like retarded dolphins in the wake of such ‘artists’ as the aforementioned Fiddy. Or celebrity vandals-cum-fashion designers. Believe.

Annoyance rating: 8