Trend Whore

Me
Battlefield 2, Battlefield 2142, Enemy Territory: Quake Wars, Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory

The current generation has been accused of being somewhat, well, self-centred. Supposedly we, as Generation Y, er, people, have inflated senses of self-worth. Of entitlement. Of knowing it all and not giving two shits about anyone but ourselves. Strong but accurate criticism? Uncalled-for nastiness from folks who’ve let their glasses develop a distinctly rosy tint? You decide. One thing’s for sure, though, the points made in this argument apply to far too many of the players you’ll find in online shooters like Quake Wars and Battlefield 2.

A good part of the problem is that games in this genre tend to rely heavily on persistent scoring systems and stats databases to keep the punters playing until the arrival of the inevitable sequel. Battlefield 2142 may be promoted as a team-based affair, but ultimately it was the promise of personal glory, unlockable weapons, gamer points and virginal noobs to violate that drove a lot of players.

We know that the inclusion of this “me, me, me, that Cobra helicopter belongs to me” business in this article will offend some readers. We know full well that it’ll provoke some of you to toddle over to the magazine feedback forum and suggest that maybe we stop being such whiny bitches, join a clan and stick to private servers. A valid argument when dealing with someone that’s serious about their Battlefield, but be realistic; all of that’s just too much work for the average punter who wants to come home after a tough day at the office, crack open a can of something suitably alcoholic or caffeinated, join a regular GameArena server and enjoy themselves running about the Middle East with an M16 without having to deal with a pack of ‘tards only concerned with boosting their stats and earning medals.

Dice’s decision to bring awards and persistent scoring into the Battlefield franchise may have been done in the name of extending the game’s longevity and rewarding loyal customers, but didn’t really work in practice. Should they have been aware of what was going to happen? Well, looking back at the days of Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory, a game in which half of any given server could be relied on to ignore the objectives until they’d managed to rack up enough kills to unlock the akimbo Lugers, we think so.

Annoyance rating: 8


Personality
Fahrenheit, Half-Life 2, Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, The Nomad Soul

For whatever reason, people with a rather bizarre attribute called ‘personality’ tend to be popular in real life. We’re certain it’s just a passing phase. A mere fad like parkour or those daft slogan t-shirts half the girls under twenty seem to own.

In all seriousness, it’s refreshing to see games developers making a real effort in creating believable characters. Alyx Vance and her father, along with the rest of Mr. Freeman’s pals, just added so much to the Half-Life 2 experience.

For too long we as gamers have been forced to deal with personalities that can be boiled down to something like this: “This is the Master Chief. He’s tough and quite the alien genocidaire. He takes his orders from a blue girl and hangs around with the token black guy”. Or this: “This is Lara Croft. She has tits. They’re big. They’re bouncy. Oh, and she carries guns and kills stuff. And sometimes she jumps.”

Don’t get us wrong. Sometimes we do like mindless games, but really, it’s time for games, as a medium, to grow up a little. The adoption of that slightly weird fad – interesting, endearing, likeable personalities – by games developers is one we approve of whole-heartedly. Unless, you know, developers view it as an excuse to neglect the gameplay. Not that we’re accusing you of anything, Kane & Lynch.

Annoyance rating: 2


Post September 11 nationalism
America’s Army series, Call of Duty series, Full Spectrum Warrior series, Medal of Honour series, Night of Bush Capturing, Quest for al-Qaeda, Quest for Saddam, Postal 2, Special Force series, Special Operation 85, Under Siege series

The world changed after 11 September 2001. No doubt about it. And as we said earlier, games, as a medium, don’t exist in a vacuum. The list of games that could and have been accused of harbouring and disseminating nauseatingly patriotic messages goes on and on.

Now, before you get overexcited, we’re not saying that games that have a few drops of the good ol’ nationalism thrown into the mixing bowl during their development are inherently bad. At least not when it comes to gameplay. We’re big fans of Call of Duty and loved Medal of Honour during its sunnier Allied Assault days. It’s just that, damn, the whole ‘warriors of the West sacrificing themselves nobly for freedom and democracy’ tosh in the latest Duty instalment was a bit much. We reckon it’s second only to the fascinatingly crap console-only Medal of Honour: Rising Sun when it comes to the gung-ho factor. Yes, we know, there’s America’s Army, but we feel that’s unfair competition for any commercial title. What, with it being ‘The Official US Army Game’ – a propaganda piece that pulls no punches with its message, which basically boils down to: “Join the army, lads, you’ll get fed three square meals a day. It’s just like Counter-Strike and is as much fun.”

Don’t think we just have a bug up our arse, to commandeer Marc Ecko’s expression, about the Americans and the Brits, though. The supposed bad guys are equally guilty of coming out with games that are unashamedly jingoistic. Take the Special Force series, for instance. Pretty much, it’s Hezbollah’s answer to America’s Army. “Join Hezbollah, lads, you’ll get three square meals a day. It’ll be loads of fun and you’ll get to plug Zionists.”

And that brings us, in a roundabout way, to our main gripe with these games – they inspire tit-for-tat bullshit. When some dickhead in the US comes out with a game like Quest for Saddam, there’ll be some equally dickheadish chap in downtown Baghdad who’ll release something along the lines of Night of Bush Capturing – aka, Quest for Bush.

Again, we do enjoy some of the games we mentioned on the list above. It’s just that we long for the day when a Call of Duty game doesn’t just offer American and British campaigns, but Iraqi and ‘Ultranationalist’ ones too. Yes, it’d be ‘challenging’ and perhaps even offensive to some to step into the combat boots of the baddies, but we can’t say we’ve ever cared much for that sort of person. At the very least, Infinity Ward could lay off having moustached Brits tie up, torture and then righteously dispatch dastardly Arabs before even ensuring that the information that said dastardly Arabs provided on the Evil Plan was correct. We enjoyed Modern Combat as a game, but at times it was far too reminiscent of the television series 24, in which the Arabs always get it in the end and Kiefer Sutherland solves all of America’s problems with his gun, his fists and, when he’s in a real spot of bother, his teeth. Please save that shit for Fox, Infinity Ward. But don’t think that we want you to trim the moustaches. We liked those. And a more pronounced moustache presence is at the top of our Call of Duty 5 wish list.

Annoyance factor: 9


Rice
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Juiced series, Midnight Club series, Need for Speed series

You think the Fast & The Furious movies would’ve been enough for those people. You know, those people who pour a ridiculous amount of cash into decorating their vehicles with lights, shiny bits and fancy paintjobs. We can’t understand people like that. It’s not like geeks would ever do anything like that. No. We have much more in the way of commonsense.

For a while there, ricing was it and a bit when it came to games. Need for Speed fans gobbled it up like fat kids faced with a night locked in a corn chip factory. Even the Grand Theft Auto franchise hopped onboard the rice wagon with San Andreas.

All that focus on ricing that followed in the wake of the Furious flicks upset us for a while, but then we realised we hadn’t given a goat’s arse about Need for Speed games for years. Still, thank God that the ability to rice up your virtual Skyline has become so passe that it’s no longer what public relations drones hit us with when they’re trying to explain why their game is going to be worth your hard-earned dosh.

Annoyance factor: 7