Afraid of chess? You will be, a few hundred years from now...
The chess world is in an uproar. In a recent match between a computer and the world's highest ranked human chess player, Gary Kasparov, the Russian abandoned a winning strategy to instead settle for a draw.
It was Kasparov's first public match against a computer since his humiliating defeat by Deep Blue in 1997. Back then, IBM's big blue box mopped the floor with Kasparov, proving to the world that, yes, school chess clubs were definitely a waste of time. Chess nerds throughout the world were put on notice: no longer were they kings of the intellectual roost.
This latest human vs machine battle tried to prove all that was just a fluke. The software -- imaginatively called Deep Junior -- went into battle with Kasparov in January, managing to lose once, draw once, and win once. In the nail-biting decider two months later, Kasparov looked set to win. Then he panicked and opted to play the safe card, resulting in a draw. He was booed offstage in a hail of pen protectors and Visine bottles (some half-full).
Scenes like this rarely happen at chess tournaments, mainly because the attendees are either asleep or daydreaming about how Star Trek holodecks work. For a grand master to get booed is about as likely as the Pope using condoms -- it just never happens. So why all the fuss?
There seems to be three immediate reactions that are bubbling to the surface here. First, there's a need for chess boffins to know that their hero is infallible. Go to Russia and you will see posters of Kasparov on street corners, in music stores, or as the centrefold of the Russian equivalent of TV Week, Televisionnaya Nedelya. More popular than Levi jeans or American dollars, Kasparov is the pin-up boy for huge numbers of Russian nerds. Second only to Dana Scully.
Next, there's the fear that computers are getting too smart for their own good. It's comforting to know that humans can still outwit machines, but when one of us is beaten, it's cause for concern. How long until the AI in these chess programs finds it all a little dull, and begins playing with the power grid? Imagine this: it's Deep Junior's turn and a voice rings out: 'I'm sorry, Gary. I'm afraid I can't do that.' There'd be a few broken specs and calculators in that stampede, oh yes. . .
Finally, humans hate the idea that something inorganic can appear cooler than them, and still win. At these tournaments, Kasparov drips sweat, mumbles, eats messily and makes all sorts of odours. The computer just hums quietly, flashing a few lights once in a while to show it hasn't fallen asleep from boredom. Sort of like a big metal Fonz from Happy Days, sans bike and jacket. All very suave and calm. Kasparov in comparison looks about as smooth as John Howard at a union meeting.
Importantly, for the non-chess players of the world, all this will filter down into the next generation of our computer games. Not just more smarts to outwit, outplay and outlast our own avatars, but a smugness that's going to really try our patience. Here's a scene from Sim City 5000:
You: I'll just build some nice dirty industry here, to make some quick cash.
Sim citizen: Hey, what the hell are you doing?
You: Making money to feed your fat head. Go back to walking in little circles.
Sim citizen: That's no way to talk to your income earners! I've a right mind to go all pixilated and look poxy.
You: Hey, steady on there. No need to get all tough. How about I put a park here for you? Swings and all. . .
Sim citizen: You patronizing bastard! Next you'll put a Sphinx downtown and expect us to go all 'oh isn't he wonderful'. Not likely, humey! What do you think we are? Stupid? We may be small, but we speak with a loud voice and carry nicely rendered sticks that can--
You: (Sighs quietly and constructs hospital on top of Sim. Games are so complicated these days, you think.)
First Deep Blue, then Deep Junior, then. . . the conquest of the machines has begun. My advice? Start getting friendly with your toaster. In the battle to come we'll need all the allies we can get. . .
Issue: 137 | June, 2012