Your handy guide to safe summer gaming!

Safety. Hydration. Heatstroke. Lag. Gaming's natural enemies this summer - so here's our tips to a safe, sane, summer gaming season.

We recently received one of those random emails that makes us sit up and think "What the fuck are they thinking? We couldn't give a rat's posterior about X!" In this most recent case, it was a handy guide to Summer Exercise Safety. Huh? Who exercises?!

But it did get us thinking. And no, it didn't get us thinking about who would win in a poker game between Will Riker and Jayne Cobb - though that is something that most things inevitably lead us to thinking about. No, in this case we actually got to thinking about something relevant. 

Namely... why doesn't anyone advise gamers on the how to safely pwn, camp, teabag and grind this sweltering and possibly catostrophically flooded summer season?

Thusly inspired, we've adapted the Summer Exercise Safety document so generously (if confusingly) supplied by Sports Medicine Australia into Atomic's Handy Guide to Safe Summer Pwning. Without further ado, here's how you, dear gamer, can keep cool while still keeping your kill/death ratio respectable.

1. Stay hydrated by drinking water before, during and after gaming. Punctuate with energy drinks where necessary. Careful, though, you don't want to get too jittery - a bottle of bourbon with a speed pourer is a handy accessory.
2. Schedule gaming to avoid the hottest part of the day. Or buy a portable air-conditioner, and game around the clock while laughing maniacally at your less fortunate - and far sweatier - friends.
3. Take rest breaks, in the shade if possible. If you can't find shade, ask yourself WTF you're doing playing Counter Strike outside.
4. Wear light coloured, lightweight and loose fitting clothing that allows easy evaporation of sweat from the skin. Because Microsoft hates a sweaty gamer, and muumuus are sexy.
5. Reduce the duration and intensity of practice rounds to minimise an increase in body heat and temperature. See above re: Microsoft.
6. Do not take part in strenuous activity if you have recently experienced a high temperature, infection, diarrhoea or vomiting. Gaming, however, should be just hunky-dory! A plastic sheet over the keyboard could be useful in case of vomiting.
7. If you have a medical condition such as asthma, diabetes, a heart problem, epilepsy or obesity, are taking medication, or are pregnant, you may experience difficulties gaming in the heat. If unsure you should seek advice from a properly accredited forum of people who know nothing about healthcare, but are happy to give you advice regardless. Here's one we prepared earlier!
8. Persons suffering from heat illness can recover rapidly with assistance - laying down in a cool place, removing excess clothing, wetting skin or using ice packs, and drinking cool water. This is also a great way to start a date (though introducing the icepack requires critical timing); if the prospect of that terrifies you, however, perhaps stick to 48 hours of raiding a week.

So there you go! A clinically and scientifically proven (if you assume our gaming area is a clinic, and I'm a scientist) way to keep cool this summer.

Game on, and pour me another shot of bourbon!