Crusader Gates busts software-legging wide open

Clad in a three piece, double breasted suit with matching fedora, tireless software-legging crusader William Gates has been kicking down doors across Europe, bringing tough, tommy-gun justice to the dark underbelly of crime. Since last August,

Clad in a three piece, double breasted suit with matching fedora, tireless software-legging crusader William Gates has been kicking down doors across Europe, bringing tough, tommy-gun justice to the dark underbelly of crime. Since last August, America's greatest crimefighter has personally recovered $US1.7 billion dollars worth of illegally copied Microsoft software, and taken down over 38,000 individual gangsters.

Speaking from the command tent of his latest operation, Gates was characteristically tough on the software piracy business. "These rat-bastards are trying to not only screw the good ole US of A, they're screwin' me," he said to the gathered newspapermen, press-passes tucked into their hatbands in a show of journalistic pride. Today, he's fighting software-leggers in Munich, and tomorrow he could be in Marrakesh - the last year has seen Gates travel all across Europe, the Mid-east and Africa by old-fashioned red line arcing across a sepia tone map of the globe.

Despite the hard work, the tireless crusader is optimistic. "There ain't no rat-hole of crime I can't bust open to the searing light of justice," said Gates, chewing an unlit stogie and waving his tommy-gun about his head. Then he gathered his band of loyal men and charged into the latest den of evil, yelling his famous warcry. "Open up, scum, Liberty is calling!"
Microsoft