Top three ways to get fired

You may not think John Holmes and a corporate Internet cache have much in common, but they do. Consider this: the former made his career and millions of dollars giving people the shaft. The latter records everything you do and, if it catches you

You may not think John Holmes and a corporate Internet cache have much in common, but they do. Consider this: the former made his career and millions of dollars giving people the shaft. The latter records everything you do and, if it catches you checking out Mr Holmes' latest exploits, can potentially give you the shaft. Which is an obvious impediment to the whole career and making millions thing.

As a general rule, pr0n and work are like guns and American high schoolers – mix them at your peril. While you would think this self-evident to any life form evolved past single cell stage, there are still some people in this world who, much like the NRA, just don't quite get it.

According to a recent study by Websence of 544 US companies, almost 25% of companies reviewed had sacked employees for viewing pr0n on work time. Furthermore, the majority were put in by fellow employees pissed off at being forced to do real work while their colleagues spent time being 'productive' with an 800 x 600 of Jenna Jameson. And here I was thinking pr0n was banned from the workplace for sexual harassment reasons. Silly me. It's just so Dan in Marketing doesn't get annoyed over Jane in Sales seeing more skin on any given day than he does.

Next on the 'most stupid things to do at work that will get you fired' list is Chat. Surprisingly, there are (were) some people in the workforce that consider Internet Relay Chat a valid task of which to participate during work time. Need those end-of-month budgets by lunchtime? No worries, just let me finish talking to my friend in Finland. Can't find that vital marketing pitch for our most important client? Hey, I'll find it in a jiffy – right after I tell this PhearsomeAssaass|n guy how much Efnet r0x0rs over Dalnet.

Lastly, the third most common way of getting fired for Internet misuse was 'excess personal emails'. In other words, spending two hours each day back and forthing with Jenny in Sales about her exploits on the weekend. Jenny may be excited about her new relationship with that 'adorable Spanish guy from Surry Hills', but HR department definitely isn't.

Aside from giving us all a good laugh, the survey's results are mainly aimed at scaring business management into purchasing software to monitor and restrict the Internet access of employees. As such, it should come as no surprise that the company conducting the survey, Websense, happens to sell software to do just that.