Saddam challenges Bush to Mortal Kombat

Atomic MPCBS has the latest from the Gulf. Apparently, Saddam is up to no good again, and Bush hasn't a clue what's going on.

In response to President Bush's refusal to engage in public debate, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has challenged him to Mortal Kombat.

Speaking through a translator, Hussein said: 'If he [President Bush] will not talk with me. Then maybe he will fight me. I challenge the infidel to Mortal Kombat!'

'The fight will be set in stages,' Hussein explained. 'First, he has to fight through my elite Republican Guards. Then, and only then, may he challenge me in my inner sanctum.'

Washington was sceptical about the proposal.

'We did not wish to follow through with the debate,' said a spokesperson. 'Because it reeked of showmanship and lacked dignity. It's just another cheap stunt by a cruel dictator who has run out of options.'

'This new challenge has more credence. Saddam is known as a very good fighter. He has been playing his own local version of Mortal Kombat for years. President Bush is open to this idea, and has expressed interest in a limited form of Kombat, but only if it involves no chemical or biological special moves. Anything like Freeze or Green Flame and the contest will end. . . and absolutely no fatalities.'

Political analysts are divided on whether Mortal Kombat will help either nation.

'Don't do it,' warned one analyst. 'Everyone knows he cheats at Mortal Kombat! His official record stands at 831 flawless victories! Unprecedented! He rigs the game the same way he rigs his elections. . . President Bush I mean.'

Lui Kang, member of the Order of Light and Champion of the First and Second tournaments showed support for the Iraqi leader. 'Saddam great fighter. He like Reptile, always vanish and strike from behind! Do not underestimate!'

However, Some of Bush's political advisers have scoffed at Saddam's record. 'Everyone knows that Shao Kahn, the ruler of Outworld and the organiser of the Mortal Kombat event, is receiving money from Hussein for genetic experimentation. Of course he's going to make things easier for him! Where do you think Goro came from? He was one of Saddam's foot soldiers until Shao Kahn got a hold of him!'

At the time of this report, Mr. Kahn was off battling Raiden and was unavailable for comment.

'Saddam may think he's got the upper hand here. He thinks that President Bush is some newbie player fresh off Tekken 4. He's wrong! The president has secretly been practicing in Mortal Kombat for years, so too have Prime Minister Blair and Prime Minister Howard. They will defend Earth from Saddam and Shao Kahn!'

Only time will tell if Mortal Kombat will take place between these two rivals.

Reporters: OracleX and moz