Army of Who?

More by Logan Booker

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By Logan Booker
17:17 Jul 30, 2008 | 1 Comment

I didn’t believe Salem when he said we could have unlimited, super-powered bullets just by standing with our backs to each other. Or that he could turn invisible, just by having me shoot everything instead of him.

Of course I thought he was full of crap. Wouldn’t any normal person?

At the time, we were crouched behind an old car, with rounds flying over our heads. We were in Somalia, or Iraq. Maybe China. The places kind of blend together after a while. But none of that’s important. What was important to me, at that moment in time, was making sure Salem didn’t entirely flip out and shoot me instead of the bad guys. I particularly didn’t want to piss him off as he was carrying the world’s largest man-portable chain gun.

“Where’d you get that?” I asked.

“What, this?” he said, hefting the weapon onto his knee. I swore I heard something crack. His sanity, perhaps.

“Yes, that. You’ll have someone’s head off if you’re not careful.”

“I thought that was the idea?”

It was, I thought to myself. But he looked ridiculous, firing the thing with one arm.

He grabbed my shoulder. “Let’s do it. Right now. We stand up, back to back, and take them out.”

“How is that possibly going to work?”

“It’s like the Matrix...”

“Except this isn’t the Matrix.”

“Well, no. But it’s like that.”

I sighed.

“And then what?”

“And then we shoot. At the bad guys.”

I stared at him in disbelief. His eyes screamed insanity to me.

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“It’ll work, trust-”

“No, I don’t trust you.”

His face twisted in confusion. “Well, I suppose we’d bleed a bit.”

“A bit?”

“Okay, maybe a lot. But we can just hide back here again until it stops.”

It was quickly becoming obvious that Salem had bought a one-way ticket out of Reality Town and was well on his way to Make Believe Central. His train had to be derailed.

“That’s not how bleeding works, Salem. Traditionally, one continues to bleed until they’re bandaged. That, or until they die.”

“Yes, but-”

“No, buts Salem. That’s how blood works. It’s a liquid, you understand. Remember how we talked about buckets, holes and leaks? It’s like that.”

Salem made a sad face. “So no back-to-back?”

“No back-to-back. We take them out, one at a time, until they’re all dead. That’s what sensible people do. And then we pray.”

“Pray?” Salem had his quizzical puppy look down pat.

“Our employers have a habit of ‘renegotiating’ our payments Salem. I need new armour, ammo and a gold-plated AK-47.”

“And me?”

“You need a stress ball.” Or a box of Ritalin, I mused.

“What if they don’t pay?”

“We do the bleeding thing – to them.”

“Like a girl?”

I sighed again.

“Just shut up and shoot that silly gun of yours.”

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1 Comment

skywarp00

Nov 4, 2008 4:51 PM

what the?

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