The Alzheimer’s of King X86 -- Part Two

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By David Field
17:21 Jul 31, 2008

Authors' note: It's dangerous to read on without starting from the beginning!

Had the King been able to remember what was beyond his walls, he would have worried. For the King's rule and reach had made him unpopular with surrounding forces, which were fuelled by a disturbingly religious zeal.

Despite surviving many crises, the Apple Grove really was a beautiful place. Tourists would ooh and aah, admire, and then, if they were wise, move on. Some would stay, unable to tear themselves away from the alluring splendour -- not knowing not that those who lived in the Apple Grove had lost their free will long ago.

As the spinning beach ball dipped below the horizon and the shadows grew across the battlement, Steve the Messiah surveyed his domain and found that it was good. Since his return from the wild years ago, things had been prosperous. He'd based his society on a solid system. Invested in aesthetics. Soon the lights would come on, and the people would take to the streets, their dancing silhouettes seen for miles.

He was... comfortable, yes, that was the word. Comfortable in the knowledge that his citizens had a higher quality of living than the likes of King Windows the x86th's subjects. A little more... restricted -- no -- controlled, perhaps, but nonetheless higher quality.

Comfortable. It wouldn't do.

"Fetch me my armour" he proclaimed, and his underling scurried to do so.

He glanced over the evening edition of the newspaper and immediately put the medical and financial sections into a shredder. His opponents had known his health was declining; however he had concocted a wonderful story about a new crash diet he was trying -- the results of which were carried on the front page.

He sighed. The subjects had mimicked him faithfully of course, and now the kingdom looked like an advertisement for anorexia. Steve made a mental note to send an update out after the next keynote to fix it. Of course the citizens would have to pay their yearly tax to gain access to the wisdom, but that was life.

"My lord, your armour", announced his Lead Sufferer as he knelt before him, black turtleneck skivvy thrust forward. Steve took his sacred garment and admired it for a few moments, before addressing his minion.

"What of iPhoebe?"

"M'lord. Someone broke her out of the jail. Again."

Silence. Air you could cut with a spoon. A pin, dropping in the distance, down a well to the centre of the earth in an anechoic chamber.

"It was for her own protection."

"Yes m'lord."

The Messiah leaned heavily on the battlement overlooking his land, brow furrowed, and bit his lip. Hackers. First trying to copy his system to run in their foreign lands, and now perverting his own daughter. There was talk of her running away with Linus, the charismatic leader of the anarchic Linux Consortium. The whore. She must have known that Linus was an erotic adventurer of the most deranged sort. Then there was the matter of King Windows the x86th, struggling in relevance... it was time.

"Steve Two, rally the PR army."

"Yes my lord."

"Tell them that it's time to expand our borders. The Apple Grove must be shared with all."

"Yes my lord."

"Actually, scratch that. Don't tell them anything. Tell them I've got something to say, and they're to tell everyone they meet that I have something to say, but they're not to say what I'm going to say."

"And what is it you have to say?"

"That's for me to say."

"I see my lord."

"Be quick about it. Oh and Steve Two -- once it's done, kill yourself. The secrets of the kingdom must be kept safe. Let Steve Three know he'll be promoted to Lead Sufferer shortly."

"Yes my lord."

As he departed, a voice coughed up.

"My lord"

"Speak, advisor Newton."

"Sir, cocoa exports are at an all time high. The carbon plants are slowly winding down their operation."

Hesitation. An aversion of eyes.

"Speak now Newton, or I shall have thy tongue."

"Sire... iPhoebe... was last seen at the borders of the Linux Consortium."

He closed his eyes and ground his teeth.

"Is that all?"

"No, sire. Lord Adobe has aligned himself with Prince Windows the x64th. We are ruined."

An ungodly silence settled on the land, as if Mother Nature herself had held her breath. After an eon, the Messiah looked up, spectacles blazing.

"This will not stand. Rally the commoners. Summon the Elite. Release the Tigers. Unleash the Leopards. We are going to war."

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