Geek eye for the average guy

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By Zara Baxter
11:06 Nov 20, 2008 | 8 Comments

It used to be, back in the day, that everyone thought we’d be wearing stylish one-piece jumpsuits by the year 2010. The only way I can see that happening is if the geeks take over. And let’s face it, none of us really want that.

Hear me out.

Look at what happened when geeks proposed the kind of food we might eat in the future. They come up with food pills. Food pills. Talk about mixing business with pleasure.

Now, admittedly, the idea of a food pill came out of a long history of trying to find ambrosia: the perfect food which would both sustain and nourish, while being easy to farm and produce. Scientists of the late 19th century, seeing the amount of poverty and starvation among the poor and working classes, set out to try and create something that would be available, easily prepared, and fulfil the requirements of the masses.

As part of this process of looking at the most complete and nourishing foods, they came up with such genius ideas as peanut butter, for which we should be eternally grateful. They also came up with soy-protein… no comment. If the name Sanitarium pops into your head at this moment, it’s for a good reason.

Ideally, this perfect food, as originally imagined, would also prevent the masses from indulging in lewd and deviant behaviour – such as sex. You can see why it never took off.

Actually, that’s not the reason it never took off. It was because someone spotted that eating isn’t just about fuel. It’s also about human group bonding and hedonism. Where would we be without the concept of mouthfeel? Without the exquisite blend of stimulant and sugar that makes cola taste so good? Without degustation menus? Without Heston Blumenthal and his molecular cookery? Without dinner parties?

Designing the perfect solution can become a horribly bad idea when humans are involved.

Arthur C Clarke wrote a book of futurism in the ‘50s that, among other wrongheadedness, envisaged us all living in underwater cities by the middle of this century.

Sounds great, in theory. It ticks all the boxes, such as providing space where space has become an increasingly dwindling commodity and having ready access to food sources and water sources needed for human sustenance.

But let’s face it, if you were asked to choose between living in a comfortably sized dwelling in an underwater city and a small apartment in a crowded city, which way would you go? I’d pick packed slum every time, because I have a fear of both crushing death and drowning. And that’s before factoring in my strong need for vitamin D.

Similarly, until I get planetwide terraforming, I’m sticking with Earth, rather than trying my hand at colonising space. The geeks can have it. Seriously, it’s all yours. It may sound cool, but I have an aversion to unexpected asphyxiation.

And I probably shouldn’t mention it, but there’s that perennial geek favourite barrow to push: Linux. Linux is the “use it because it’s good for you” one-size-fits-all solution to operating systems. I think I even have RMS saying that on a Dictaphone tape, somewhere.

I use Linux, before you start writing those excoriating emails, and I freely admit to not really making the best use of it. I like it, even. I’m sure it has tremendous advantages over my current choice of Mac OS X, just like peanut butter is nutritionally advantageous compared to smoked salmon. But that’s like saying that a Star Trek uniform for everyone (woohoo! –ed) would be beneficial because of the reduction in fashion disasters and body-image angst.

The trade-off is well worth the price of my threadless teeshirts.

Given the history of geek-led ideas, all the talk about how much better the world would be if geeks ran it makes me want to chew furniture and become a Batman villain. A geek government would be incredibly utilitarian: the very best solutions for the greatest number, with the best possible intentions. Linux for all. Food pills for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Black as the only colour for clothing. Science fiction shown on TV at reasonable hours and to predictable schedules. Wait, that actually sounds good.

No. It would sound amazingly awesome on paper, and it would be the worst possible place to live. And I say that as a fully paid-up geek.

A world run by geeks? I’m not buying it. I’m not even renting it. I like being able to make frequent bad choices. Although I could do without some of the consequences… ZB

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8 Comments

stadl Nov 20, 2008 11:37 AM	Linux et-al have shown that the geek utopia offers plenty of options for vibrant conflict and variety - you can cop scorch marks at 50 paces if you get into a kde/gnome, unbuntu/fedora linux/bsd flame war. Thankfully the vi/emacs crusade has slowed down. Not to mention the fashion faux pas of wearing a TNG pants-suit when TOS miniskirt were in this year! Food pills would be defined by colour trends - dozens of blogs discussing how that new bleeding edge range of green pills offer a more efficient form of sustenance than the old beige ones. Not to mention whole websites dedicated to modding pill boxes to add perspex windows, aluminium, neons, meters and other bling.
p_francis_bennett Nov 20, 2008 5:20 PM	you make me sick!!! :P
colganaitor Nov 21, 2008 1:09 PM	Mmmm .. . I wants teh Star trek jumpsuit! /goes to spam 'ed needs a makeover'
Mordecai Jan 18, 2009 6:52 AM	"Black as the only colour for clothing" Whats wrong with just wearing black? I happen to like my black clothing and wear it when I don't have to wear my stupid work clothes.
redhot21_au Mar 1, 2009 10:04 PM	Time may come where even clothes may become secondary!! Naked communitys? We could start a trend making it news worthy..
Simon900 Mar 4, 2009 3:51 PM	Wasn't Communism supposed to be the savior of the common man? It wouldn't surprise me if it was design by a bunch of 19th Century Geeks, looking for ways to maximise the efficiency of the populace. If WoW was around then, how much of a different place it would be........Mmmmm....jumpsuits.
Post Insanity Mar 11, 2009 9:21 AM	Food pills? Thats what Soylent Green is for.
Harpy Queen Mar 29, 2010 3:56 PM	I wish we had food pills, I'm lazy XP. I need to eat about twice as much as everyone else because my metabolism is so fast, I'd love the extra time if I had a pill I could use.

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