There's a Monster in there...but is it friendly?
Stumbling blindly off the train this morning, still yawning off the weekend, I felt my way along to the local supermarket and my eyes fell upon a new energy drink - the Monster Ripper.
It had an interesting-looking black/yellow can, with jagged claws drawn down the front as if a Monster really had torn something (or someone) to shreds, so I snatched it up and brought it to Atomic HQ.
Described on Americansweets as "a radical juice Monster hybrid with explosive flavour and the big bad Monster buzz you will love!", it packs 160mg of caffeine into a 500mL can and 961kJ of energy.
Now I've looked at a similar sized can of V and quite liked it, and I've had a shot of Mana Potion and was very displeased - so you can just imagine what it'd be like suffering through 500mL of Mana.
Sadly enough though, that's just what it felt like. The first whiff of drink as I cracked open the can wafted out pleasantly enough, smelling faintly like tropical lollipops with the usual tang of carbonation.
The first sip was like swallowing tropical cordial syrup straight from the bottle, and apart from being just a little strong it didn't taste completely offensive...until the aftertaste kicked in.
Picture the cheapest soft drink you've ever had, the most throat-cloyingly sickly sweet drink, then combine it with the faint taste of vomit mixed with cheese that was left out of the fridge a little too long.
Perhaps better described as filling your stomach with the aforementioned tropical lollipops, letting them mix in there awhile, then returning them to a glass and drinking again - this just wasn't a good taste.
The carbonation was quite nice however, though due to the ultra-concentrated consistency of the drink it felt sluggish - not slow, but quite literally like drinking a slug as it slimed its way down my throat. Ugh.
Even in the gallery of pics the drink blocks out most light that passes through it, suggesting that it isn't a particularly nice blend of ingredients - described by David Hollingworth as "kidney failure in a can".
As I reached the bottom of the can, my stomach was complaining loudly about some kind of hideous torture and my eyes were starting to glaze over from the taste sealing up my oesophagus and nasal cavity.
Choking down the last of the can with a grimace, it seemed to become even more concentrated (as if it knew my suffering), but the energy had finally kicked in, managing to bring me out of my zombiefied state and into something akin to a person who'd stepped in front of a Claymore mine.
I'd made it to the bottom of the can with a victorious fist into the air - not because I'd enjoyed the drink but because I'd made it there alive.
If you happen to spot this drink on a shelf somewhere you might be tempted by the not-hideously-expensive $3.45 pricetag but if my experience is anything to go by - you'll soon be regretting it.
Jump over to the gallery of pics to check out nutritional info and pics of the can, as well as shots of the drink itself in a clear glass. I, however, am off to throw up.
Issue: 111 | April, 2010