The Da Vinci Code

What would Jesus do? Christopher Taylor reckons he'd ban this game.

The Da Vinci Code is one of those things -– you either love it or hate it. Whatever your opinion, the fact remains that this is a book that’s pissed a lot of people off, sold an insane amount of copies and fostered a fan base that considers going on tours that follow in the footsteps of the protagonists perfectly rational.

For the illiterate cave-dwellers amongst us, The Code is a novel that was penned by author Dan Brown. Essentially, it’s about the adventures of university lecturer Robert Langdon and police cryptographer Sophie Neveu as they race to uncover a secret of Biblical proportions (groan-inducing pun intended).

Anyway, enough about the source material -– let’s talk about the game. As the screenshots suggest, The Code is standard action adventure fodder. The gameplay involves running through the different locations visited in the book, including the Louvre Museum and Saint Sulpice. Occasionally, you’ll come across a puzzle to solve -– which, in keeping with the subject matter, involves finding hidden keys and cracking codes. The puzzles are occasionally pretty good, although the hint mechanism is consistently useless.

Perhaps the most surprising thing about this game is that it’s so... brutal. Sure, one of the villains in the book was an albino monk with a penchant for beating the shit out of himself, but the two heroes weren’t particularly aggressive sorts. In the game, however, they’re constantly wrestling with cops and punching monks in the face. It’s a little disturbing, to say the least.

Despite the brutality, the fight scenes are frightfully dull. All you have to do is land a couple of punches before the game takes over, thrusting you into a weird sort of mini-game that involves the highly exciting task of clicking the left or right mouse button in time with what’s displayed on the bottom of the screen.

Unfortunately for all the Dan Brown fans out there, the game adaptation of The Code is laden with poor development choices and dodgy design. Take the setting as an example. Having the ability to explore the Louvre could have been a nice feature, but the developers decided against it, instead opting to make the experience incredibly linear and 100% fun free.

Seriously, this game is just baffling. It could have been good, especially if it focused more on the puzzle solving aspects of the story. But for whatever reason, the developers have seen fit to ignore the standards set by titles such as Prince of Persia, God of War and even Tomb Raider. In the process, they’ve created an electronic abortion that’s laden with annoying bugs, ghastly graphics and unwelcome console throwbacks (no mouse support in the menus, anyone?).

Avoid it like the kid at the back of the room who smells like cat piss.